OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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