i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
