You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
