There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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