i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
