i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
