I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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