i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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