How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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