Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
a search helicopter?!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
