well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
