I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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