i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
