It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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