I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
