I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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