My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
