I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
being pregnant is like rehab
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
