dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
