my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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