4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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