She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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