Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
