You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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