capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize