i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
