I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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