I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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