apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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