On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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