I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she told me i tasted like america
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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