We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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