Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
