Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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