Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
