i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
