Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
