dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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