Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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