my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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