I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
