you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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