Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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