I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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