So drunk its hurt
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
