I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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