Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Rumble strips road head = magical
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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