Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
