Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
