he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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