Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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