Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize