she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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