New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
