a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
