he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
