dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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