Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
