Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my liver is dry heaving
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize