Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
