So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
