Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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