I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
