at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
