did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just pynch a tree in the face
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
