At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
