im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
