Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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