Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
