Just cropdusted the office
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
