my phone needs a breathalizer
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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