NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
