I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
