y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
