Your dad touched me again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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