To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
