I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
