Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
