it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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