I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
