An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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