Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize