i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
