i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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