garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can tuck mytits in my pants
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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