Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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