She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
