When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is wine microwaveable?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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